I am Not a Helicopter Parent
My kids are helicopters and I am the landing pad.
My parenting style is what most people would call “helicopter parenting.” I attend almost all of my children’s practices, games, playdates, etc. I volunteer to be Team Mom and plan class parties. I am quick to intervene when I don’t like how another kid (or adult) is treating my child. I quickly pick them up when they cry and kiss their ouchies.
You might say I’m involved.
Still, often others scoff at this style and belittle it as, “Helicopter Parenting.”
But I don’t look at it that way. In reality, my children are the helicopters and I am the landing pad.
By being in close proximity and being available to my kids (physically and emotionally), by responding quickly to falls and tears, my kids have the confidence to venture off on their own. Because they know there is a soft landing nearby if they experience unexpected turbulence.
Yes, I still push them to try new things and teach them how to cope on their own (like taking deep breaths or setting boundaries with friends). But they know that they can always come back to me if the feelings are too big or if they need some encouragement.
Mind you, I do work full-time. I’m fortunate to work remotely, so sometimes that means balancing my laptop on my knees at soccer practice, taking a conference call at dance class, or waking up an hour early to answer emails.
My kids have run to me during tumbling class after scraping a knee. I give them a quick hug and they run back to class feeling better. They’ve run off the soccer field frustrated about not scoring. We take three deep breaths and then they sprint back out after the ball.
Sure, these are small problems. But because they know they can trust me (and their dad), we’re able to quickly solve the problem without skipping a beat. And the problem doesn’t grow any bigger than it needs to be.
They don’t spend the entire tumbling class sad or embarrassed about their scraped knee. They don’t get more and more frustrated about not scoring that goal (or the next one). Because I’ve already validated their emotions and helped them cope, they can just move on.
Now, I can’t always be there 100% of the time. And the older they get, the more time they naturally spend away from me. School gets longer. Practices get longer. Schedules overlap and carpooling is essential for making it all work.
But by helping a lot when I can, they learn how to cope on their own when I can’t be there. I’ve seen them start to cry at practice, pause, take a few deep breaths, and continue moving forward. They didn’t need me because we’ve already worked on it together.
And because I’ve been there for the little stuff, they trust me with the bigger things, too. And as we continue building this trust, they continue to reach for harder and bigger things, knowing they can always come back to me when they need help.
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