10 Keys For Healthy Conflict Resolution in Your Relationship

Happy couples don’t fight less than unhappy couples. They simply do conflict resolution and relationship repair better than unhappy couples.

Photo by Rochelle Leader on Unsplash

1: Don’t Avoid Conflict

Conflict is a normal part of relationships. You and your partner are two completely different people. You have different backgrounds, upbringings, opinions, and expectations. Your differences, whether big or small, will lead to conflict.

2: Take Deep Breaths

For some of us, arguing can be a scary or overwhelming thing, causing us to shut down. Or you may feel you need to put up your defense and protect yourself. This is our body’s “fight or flight” system coming into play.

3: Avoid Name Calling And Personal Attacks

Because we spend so much time with our partner, we likely know all their insecurities and weaknesses. However, when a conflict arises, we may be tempted to use this knowledge as a way to hurt our partner.

4: No Physical Aggression

This is a given. When conflicts arise, do not resort to any type of physical aggression. This includes hitting, spitting, kicking, throwing things, and so on.

5: Being Emotional Is Not The Same As Expressing Your Emotions

When conflict arises, it’s important to express how you feel. This helps your partner understand how the conflict has affected you. Sharing your emotions with each other can lead to empathy and finding better solutions together.

6: Notice Bids For Connection

Sometimes in the middle of a conflict, one partner will try to lighten the mood by making a bid for connection. This can be making a joke, trying to give physical affection, or some other form or connection.

7: Quick Sorry’s

Trying to engage in healthy conflict resolution is not easy. Especially if our relationship is new or our conflict resolution skills are new.

8: Take a Break

This is one of the most helpful tips when conflicts are getting out of hand. Explain to your partner that you are overwhelmed and need a 15 minute break before continuing the conversation. Or honor your partner’s request for a break.

9: Be Clear About the Problem and What You Need

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the details and emotions of a conflict that we never actually get to the real issue. When bringing up a problem for discussion or when a conflict naturally arises, do your best to be as clear as possible about what the problem is and what you need from your partner.

10: Practice

The more you practice healthy conflict resolution, the better you’ll get at it. You’ll be more aware of when you make mistakes and how to avoid repeating them. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you try to develop these new skills.

Conclusion: Healthy Conflict Resolution Improves Your Relationship

Having conflict in your relationship can feel scary and overwhelming. But choosing to engage with your partner during these moments in a healthy way will strengthen your relationship.

Navigating adult life and writing about what I learn. My focuses are personal development, relationships, parenting, and writing.

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